


Mission: Retrieve Q

by Merwin_Me



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Family, Feelings, Kidnapping, MISucks, Rescue, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merwin_Me/pseuds/Merwin_Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Q is taken and MI6 washes their hands off of him, a certain double-o goes rogue to get him back. And a member of Q's family pops up out of the woodwork to get their cousin back, pronto.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

For [Speaking-of-Tailors](http://speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr

* * *

Eggsy was on an easy surveillance mission in Portugal when Merlin suddenly took over from his handler, thick Scottish brogue cursing at something on the other side of the line.

Lifting his feet off of the table, Eggsy took the laptop with the camera footage he was combing through off his chest where it had been carefully balanced, placing it on his lap instead as he sat up straight.

Taking another glance at the screen to confirm that nothing was out of order, which would have explained Merlin taking over from Aram, Eggsy turned his complete attention to the still swearing Scot.

“Merls, is somethin’ wrong?”

For a second, Merlin took God’s name in vain, before a sigh came across the line.

“ _Mordred, Aram will take over surveillance remotely. We need you in Spain yesterday. MI6’s quartermaster has been kidnapped,_ ” Eggsy let some air escape through suddenly clenched teeth with a hiss, no longer even pretending to be partially interested in his laptop screen, “ _and the last signal MI6 received from the chip in his neck came from somewhere in Madrid. They are unable to retrieve their quartermaster, but in their attempts to wash their hands off the lad, 007 has gone rogue_.”

Merlin would have continued his rushed account of what had happened, if not for Eggsy interrupting him with barely concealed rage coloring his voice.

“If yer about ta ask me ta return 007 or dispatch of the quartermaster, I’ll be the next agent ta go rogue, Merlin!”

Silence hung between them for a moment, the Scot finding himself stunned for the first time in a long while.

“ _I wasn’t, Mordred._ ” Merlin spoke up again, speaking softly and slowly. “ _Unlike MI6, we do care about extracting and rescuing kidnapped support staff. We would like you to aid 007 in retrieving the quartermaster._ ”

Eggsy sagged slightly in his seat, letting his rage slip away. For a moment, he sat still as he dragged a hand down his face, before exploding into action.

As he started throwing whatever he would need in a bag and placing enough weapons on his person to take down a drug cartel by himself, Merlin filled him in on the last known location of the quartermaster, where he could join up with 007, and that Arthur was on his way to Spain as well to aid in the rescue.

“ _Lad_ ,” Merlin finally spoke up as Eggsy slipped into a cab he had liberated, destroying every traffic law in existence as he sped through Portugal and blasted across the border as if it didn’t exist, “ _why is this so personal for ye?_ ”

Eggsy’s next car theft, a Lamborghini this time, was a bit more messy than his usual heists, car door almost ripped off in his rage-filled haste.

“Because Quinn might be the damned fucking quartermaster, he’s also my fucking cousin!”

Shocked silence only broken by a soft “ _shite_ ” was his answer for the rest of the ride to Madrid.

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr.

 


	2. Part 2

For [Speaking-of-Tailors](http://speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr

* * *

Following Merlin’s directions, Eggsy ended up parking the Sedan he was forced to steal after the Lamborghini started being tracked in front of a dingy old building that had once been a hotel but was now simply abandoned. Slipping the keys in his pocket, he took in the building for a moment, taking in the boarded up windows.

From the outside, one wouldn’t be able to tell that on the fourth floor, a double-o agent had set up shop temporarily, which was exactly the point.

“ _Arthur’s plane has just landed, he will join you in half an hour at most_.”

Humming in appreciation, Eggsy finally moved towards the entrance, pushing the heavy doors open with ease, making sure to close them behind him again. Ignoring the elevators, Eggsy took the stairs two steps at a time, moving with purpose.

Merlin, who was monitoring his agent’s vitals from back in England, had never seen Eggsy this calm before. Well, he had once, back in training. When Digby had called Roxy an useless whore, good for nothing but giving pleasure. While Roxy had been beating Digby into the ground not a second later—sanctioned by yours truly—Eggsy had radiated calm, seemingly uncaring.

That had been proven incorrect when the next day, Digby was trounced so thoroughly during an spar that he flinched whenever he even thought he saw a glimpse of Eggsy for the rest of his training.

That was the calm Merlin now saw reflected in the vitals, and for a moment he felt a small spark of pity for the quartermaster’s kidnappers. A storm was about to descend on them, and they had no clue.

As Eggsy neared the door to the room where 007 was barricaded in, he took a deep breath, readying himself before knocking on the door. The moment he saw the doorknob move, Eggsy raised his hands above his head. Not a second later, the barrel of a gun was pointed at his face.

Piercing blue eyes were looking him up and down, taking note of his stance and the weapons and explosives that were clipped to the belt around his waist. Turning slowly in a circle when the older male twitched with his gun, Eggsy made sure to keep his stance as open as possible.

Being shot was not in his agenda for today.

“Who are you? Who sent you?”

“ _Ye have been approved to talk openly to 007 and the quartermaster, Mordred. So please do, before Arthur arrives to make a mess of every unwritten inter-agency rule._ ”

And Harry would utterly destroy every rule, Merlin knew from experience, especially if it would aid his protege in any way.

“Gary,” Eggsy was disallowed from mentioning his nickname by Merlin as that would make searching for him too bloody easy, apparently, “codename Mordred, knight of the round table. Merlin, my quartermaster, sent me to help you find your quartermaster.”

Bond searched his eyes for a moment, before lowering his weapon as he clearly found what he was looking for, moving back inside his hotel room.

“MI6 have washed their hands off of Q, I don’t see why they would ask another agency—one which I have never heard of I might add—instead.”

Eggsy’s grin showed teeth as he followed Bond inside the dust-covered room.

“They didn’t. My agency, Kingsman, is a bit more friendly towards its support staff. Arthur, my boss, will be joining us in a moment. But even if we had the same inclination to ignore one of our staff being kidnapped, I would still be here.”

Eggsy joined Bond on the couch, taking his rifle from the case he had remembered to take with him at the last moment. He began dismantling and cleaning it alongside the other agent, making sure that every weapon he had on him was ready for use.

Snapping the magazine back in place, Eggsy turned his attention back to the expressionless double-o at his side, letting the rage he had been keeping in check remarkably well finally show in his eyes.

“Your quartermaster just so happens to be my cousin. And it will be a cold day in _hell_ , before I ignore him being kidnapped. So this is going to be simple, 007. We are going to wait for Arthur to join us, and then Merlin is going to tell us he has found the exact location Quinn is being held at. We will storm the place and take out every single excuse of a human being that has dared to lay a finger on my cousin and take him home. Understood?”

The door to the room had opened somewhere in the middle of Eggsy’s soft tirade, Harry standing in the door-opening with a serious look on his face. Bond spared the newcomer a glance, before returning his attention to Eggsy.

In lieu of an answer, he stuck out a hand for Eggsy to shake.

“James Bond, 007.”

Eggsy grinned, gripping the hand held out to him.

“Eggsy Unwin, Mordred.”

“Harry Hart, Arthur.” Harry deadpanned from the door-opening.

In England, Merlin face-palmed. Why did they even use code-names when those three gave out their names like it was going out of style?

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr

 


	3. Part 3

For [Speaking-of-Tailors](http://speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr

* * *

"Alright Merlin, talk to us."

The three heavily armed agents sat in the stolen Sedan, Harry leaning back to give Bond a pair of standard issue Kingsman glasses.

"Tap the side twice to activate. Try not to lose or destroy them, Merlin will take it out on my hide and actually start making me do my own paperwork."

" _I heard that, ye twat._ "

Bond barely blinked when the Scottish voice came through loud and clear as soon as he activated the glasses.

" _But I have some news for ye. They have released a video to MI6 servers which shows yer quartermaster still alive, but..._ "

Merlin didn't have to finish the sentence for the message to come through loud and clear. Q was alive, for now, but harmed.

Bond's hands clenched into fists, teeth grinding together.

" _From the looks of it, one of the lad's arms is broken, shoulder probably dislocated. He is conscious but,_ " Merlin paused for a second, before sighing, " _he is trembling and wet all over. It looks like they have been using Chinese water torture on him. There is a likely chance that he has a concussion as well. He doesn't look well, but thankfully they are keeping him alive. It is you they want, 007, in exchange for a 'mostly in one piece' quartermaster, to use their words._ "

Hearing the extent of his cousin's injuries, Eggsy started up the engine. As soon as Merlin had a location, he would be ready to drive and arrive in record time.

" _There is some good news as well. The kidnappers left too much data behind with their upload. I'm tracking their location now. It should pop up on your glasses any moment now, Mordred._ "

And indeed, not half a minute later Eggsy had the address to one of Madrid's more abandoned warehouse districts on his glasses' display. Putting the car into first gear, the Sedan shot off and accelerated faster than the manufacturers had probably expected their car to be able to go.

Harry and Bond were pressed back into their seats by sheer pressure as Eggsy cut every corner and took shortcuts through parks that were definitely not on the approved shortcut list.

"They want 007, don't they? Let's deliver ya to their front door then, shall we?"

—

A good twenty minutes away, in a refurbished warehouse, Q grunted when an adrenaline pen was stuck in his thigh to replace the previous dosage that was just beginning to stop working.

He was immediately fully awake once more, eyes open despite his desire to just sleep or lose consciousness.

His captors seemed to take delight in keeping him aware of every movement in the room, of the bright light aimed at his face that was turning his headache into a thing of pure legend.

As a trade-off, the adrenaline masked some of the pain he was in, but he just wanted to sleep.

If MI6 wasn't going to come for him, and it was looking like they weren't, he would rather just sleep.

Pass out, and maybe pass away.

He did find a new admiration—tinged with muted horror—at what some of the double-o agents often had to go through. 007 the most of all.

But he wasn't an agent. Never had been, never would be. He was Q, the best quartermaster MI6 had ever had, but he wasn't an agent.

He wasn't trained to be able to withstand this brand of torture.

But he wouldn't give up. He couldn't give up, not when he had to listen to agents go through worse at least once a month.

Where was the rescue team?

He was so tired.

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) on Tumblr

 


	4. Part 4

Blaming [Speaking-of-Tailors](speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com) for this still

* * *

Eggsy had parked the car a block away from the warehouse Q was being held at, shutting off the engine and leaning back in his seat for a moment. Taking a couple of deep breaths to get into the mindset he needed, to be able to ignore for the moment that it was his cousin that was being tortured and imagine instead that it was just a target on their list.

No personal attachments— _every personal attachment, oh god, they had his cousin, his fucking cousin, shi_ t—would make battling through whatever enemy they were about to encounter easier.

Bond looked to be doing the same, though he was also rechecking his handgun, a palm-print locked one that was apparently one of Q’s designs. Eggsy was going to ask Merlin to make him one of those too, that could come in handy one day.

Harry was the only one of the three already fully in the mission mindset, but then again he didn’t have any personal feelings tangled up in this mission. Lucky him.

Merlin let them have this minute of simple breathing, though after that time was up he started urging them on. They didn’t have a lot of time if they wanted Q back with a minimal amount of damage, after all.

“ _Alright, when ye get to the warehouse, I can take out all the cameras for ye, but other than that, ye’ll be on yer own. They have no other electronics for me to hack into, all their servers seem to be in closed circuit. If ye have time to grab a laptop from there, I can analyze it when ye bring it back. Enough dawdling, get moving_.”

“Bossy little shit, isn’t he?” Bond mused as he exited the car, only to be gifted with Merlin cursing him to hell and back.

“Ya mean scary. I’m pretty damn sure he can beat me arse into the ground without tryin’.” Eggsy shuddered, taking off jogging after Bond, a grinning Harry following at the back.

“ _I’d hope so. I trained yer lazy arse, lad._ ”

“Huh. Why are you a quartermaster then, and not an agent?”

They were still half a block away from the warehouse, but they would soon have to shut up. For now, this was just a bit relaxing, something they could really use before having to jump into wild action.

“ _I were an agent once, until half a building collapsed on my legs. My prosthetics are excellent, but I prefer directing idiotic agents nowadays._ ”

“Love ya too, bruv!” Eggsy said cheerfully while Bond hummed softly in surprise. Any other comment was cut off before it could be voiced, however, as the warehouse Q was being held in came into view.

“ _Look alive, the cameras are out in three, two, now!_ ”

On cue, Bond kicked in the front door with a gun in each hand, Harry lobbing one of the lighter grenades over his head as soon as he saw that Q was not in the main room but several surprised thugs were.

“An exploding lighter?” Bond muttered, putting a bullet through the brain of a thug that tried to sneak up behind Eggsy.

It might be a slight matter of overkill, having three over-qualified agents storm a warehouse full of henchmen. Extreme overkill, really, with the way they were soon mowing through the warehouse with incredible ease.

Bond took a moment or two to appreciate the terrifying duo Eggsy and Harry made, tearing through their enemies as a well-oiled unit, leaving behind absolute carnage. Something he was managing all on his own rather well, but those two together were something else.

Something he and Alec had once been, years back when they could still work on missions together without Alec looking at him with a mixture of mistrust and hurt.

Jesus, he really needed to apologize to Alec for the Vesper situation.

Wincing, Bond tucked _her_ name and all the emotions it brought up back deep inside him, focusing on not shooting the server setup in the room he was clearing. As the last enemy in there was taken down, Bond finally took a moment to bend down over his body, the two Kingsman agents outside overly capable of continuing on their own for the moment.

He wanted to know what he was dealing with.

Patting down the body of the henchman that had been seated behind a computer, and whose brain-matter was now splashed all over the laptop screen, Bond frowned as he found a folded envelope inside the jacket. Opening the flap and sticking his hand inside, he pulled out it’s contents.

Unfolding the piece of paper revealed Q’s relaxed face from where he was seated on a sofa. The picture was clearly one taken through a window, a surveillance picture.

Jesus Christ, whoever these guys were, they had known were Q lived, had probably been following him for however long! How had MI6 not known about this threat to their quartermaster?

* * *

I am [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr

 


	5. Part 5

Joink, still blaming[ Speaking-of-Tailors](speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com)

* * *

“Put down your weapons, or the quartermaster is getting a bullet through his head!”

Eggsy and Harry had succeeded in finding the room Q was being held in, but sadly enough there also happened to be a quivering and honestly extremely terrified thug inside. A gun was being held to Q’s head, hand trembling almost as much as the thug’s legs.

Q sat slouched on the metal chair he was bound to, heavy eyes looking at the two agents without really seeing them. His limbs were trembling almost as much as the thug’s were, but in Q’s case, his body was reacting to the continuous adrenaline shots they had been injecting in him.

He was crashing as the last dose slowly stopped working its magic.

“Weapons down, I will shoot!”

It would have been more impressive had the words not been stuttered. Glancing at Harry, Eggsy slowly lowered his weapon to the ground. Harry did the same a second later, moving a little to the side.

Eggsy, however, took a small step towards Q.

“Stop! Stop right there!”

The gun swung from Q to Eggsy, and that was all the opening that was needed. Bond, who had been standing just outside the door and out of view, took aim and placed a bullet in between the thug’s eyes. His head snapped back, eyes and mouth open wide in surprise as a flower of red bloomed in between his eyes, before he toppled backwards, dead before he even hit the ground.

Putting the safety back on his gun, Bond quickly moved to kneel in front of Q, placing his hands gently on his quartermaster’s cheeks, tilting his head up gently. Harry and Eggsy picked up their guns and took a moment to tuck them away again, giving Bond a moment which the agent clearly needed.

“Come on Q, look at me. Show me those pretty eyes, there you go.”

Using the last of the borrowed strength gained by the adrenaline, Q raised his eyes up from where he had been staring sightlessly at the metal floor.

Oh, that was 007. MI6 had come for him then?

“What took you so long?” Q rasped, hacking up a glob of blood as his ribs shifted unpleasantly at the energy it cost to breath and speak.

A wet chuckle slipped past Bond’s lips, but instead of answering he simply leaned forward and softly kissed Q on his lips.

Q blinked in surprise, but he was unable to reciprocate—not that he currently could, mind you—as Bond pulled away again a second later.

Before Q could formulate a full thought, Eggsy whistled softly from where he had been keeping a bit of distance, drawing the quartermaster’s attention.

“Let’s get you home, cuz.”

It was as if the words themselves were magic, as Q slumped forward almost instantly, head coming to a rest against Bond’s shoulder as he lost the conscious he had been forced to keep.

Harry stepped over immediately as Bond started to lift Q up, and helped the double-o arrange the slight man in his arms in a way that would least jostle Q, mindful of his injuries.

He and Eggsy left Bond to bring Q to the car, moving around the warehouse to retrieve any of the tech that Merlin demanded for them to bring, ending up with several laptops, multiple cell phones and one server tower on wheels that would only just fit into the back of the Sedan.

“So, Bond,” Eggsy spoke up as he put the car into first gear, for once adhering to every traffic law as he drove towards the private airport Harry had landed the plane at, “there is just one thing I want to make clear.”

Swinging an arm around to the back, aiming with the help of the mirror, Eggsy placed the muzzle against Bond’s temple,keeping his eyes on the road while doing so.

“You hurt my cousin, and I will make sure MI6 will only find the remains of your body when I am done with it. Clear?”

“Clear.” Bond muttered amused, running a hand through Q’s tousled hair.

It wasn’t like he had any intention of harming Q, after all.

* * *

I'm [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) on Tumblr

Don't know how many more chapters there will be, we'll see!

 


	6. Part 6

The plane descended into the ground behind the Kingsman mansion that had opened up for them, plates covered with grass closing back up above them as soon as their wheels touched down.

Unbuckling his cousin, who had thankfully gone from being unconscious to just sleeping, Eggsy watched with a careful eye as Bond held Q in his arms once again.

Once the four of them stepped off the plane, they were met by a seriously pissed off Merlin.

Fixing his expression into something a little less murderous took Merlin the better part of a minute, and only after he succeeded, did he turn his attention to Bond.

"007, if ye'll follow Arthur to the medical bay, we can have Quinn looked after. Mordred and I will be visiting MI6's headquarters," a vicious grin practically split Eggsy's face in two at that, "so if there is anything ye want us to bring, now would be the time."

Bond looked at the Scot he had apparently been communicating with throughout retrieving Q, and just barely kept himself from flinching.

There was no doubt that this man had been an agent, and considering his physique, he kept up his training despite being Kingsman's version of Q.

And if the Scot was also the one to train new agents... Best he stay on the man's good side.

"Q would probably appreciate having his laptop with him. But if it isn't too much to ask, could you send 006 this way? He is supposed to have this week off, so he should be in."

A sharp nod was his only answer, before Harry gently touched his elbow and started steering Bond and his precious bundle to the med-bay.

Harry himself was almost looking forward to seeing the recordings from his protege's glasses feed when they got back.

Merlin held a particular hatred for other spy agencies, considering them inferior and too bound by their countries to be truly effective, and now he was about to insert himself inside the HQ of Britain's worst kept secret.

'Secret agency', his well-formed arse.

As soon as Harry, Bond and Q were out of the hangar, Merlin turned to Eggsy with a manic glint in his eyes.

"Pick a car lad, and let's go pay MI6 a visit."

"Wait wait, ya mean I can finally drive the Spider that 'I'm not in any way, ever, allowed to touch'?" Eggsy quoted Merlin' s words from months before with a truly atrocious Scottish accent.

"Aye lad, ye can."

With a loud whoop, Eggsy rushed to where the currently fastest car in the world was parked, the car that was made by Merlin's department, able to reach ridiculous speeds and decked out with countless gadgets.

A one of a kind car that would never hit the market, ever.

Soon enough, they were strapped into the sleek sport car, racing through the countryside to London, dodging traffic like they were playing an extreme version of the game frogger.

Luckily, the car was also equipped with a scrambler that automatically made any speed cams they approached useless for a period of 10 seconds, otherwise whatever alias the license plate was attached to would be billed a ridiculous amount of speeding tickets by the time they reached MI6.

Merlin was only slightly digging into the seat with blunt nails. He had not forgotten the true speed of the Spider, but he hadn't yet mentally realized what combining that speed with Eggsy's driving would mean.

He now knew better.

It was only the knowledge that Eggsy was the safest reckless driver Merlin had ever met that kept him from praying to a God he didn't believe in during the entire ride.

It was with a small amount of relief that Merlin exited the vehicle when it was parked quite literally on MI6's doorstep, Eggsy copying him after lovingly patting the leather-wrapped steering wheel once more.

As soon as they turned towards the unassuming entrance however, both of their expressions flattened, eyes glinting once more with the rage they had managed to temporarily set behind them.

Time to find the madman who ran this shit show.

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr

 


	7. Part 7

The large building MI6 was situated in was less eye-catching than their previous building had been, the skeleton remains of which were still standing as a giant warning beacon. However, it did seem as if MI6 had learned their lesson from the previous times, having actually build down instead of staying up and out in the open.

While the building itself blended in well with the office buildings surrounding it, the small ‘MI6’ plaque attached to the wall beside the front door detracted from the illusion of secrecy again.

It was almost as bad as the previous Arthur’s need to put the Kingsman logo on every piece of equipment, Merlin silently bemoaned. He had only just been able to start putting the ‘discretion’ back into ‘spy business’, starting with taking the logos off of everything.

The progress was slow, but there. For instance, none of the weapons he and Eggsy had on them had the ‘K’ engraved anymore, and Eggsy’s codename lapel had been taken out of his suit.

It put them another step ahead of MI6.

Pushing the door open, Merlin stepped to the side and motioned Eggsy to precede him with a grin, getting flipped off behind the lad’s back as Eggsy cautiously took his first steps inside the heavily monitored front entrance. An entrance no MI6 agent would use, and most support staff would probably avoid as well.

The reception area was a spartan, modern looking open room, with a couple of seats pushed against the wall on either side and a wooden desk separating them from an alert receptionist.

In every corner of the room, a camera was pointed towards them, some hidden and others pointedly visible to keep people from looking for the hidden ones.

No security guards.

Merlin suddenly found himself very glad that he wasn’t the quartermaster of this mess.

If the leader of MI6 thought he could adequately keep out intruders by using the cameras and a receptionist who probably already had a finger ready to press the alarm button, Merlin had a feeling they should suddenly be a lot more worried about Britain’s future.

Honestly, _spies_.

Staying back near one of the stairs, Merlin let Eggsy approach the receptionist with his usual devil-may-care grin, stance as open as possible as he came to a halt.

“My buddy and I have an appointment with Tanner. We should be under 3 o’clock, CIA.”

The man behind the desk looked between the beaming well-clad boy in front of him and the frowning bald man who had his arms crossed and looked like he would rather be anywhere but here. Turning to the computer, the man entered his password and opened up the agenda to look through the appointments.

His mistake.

As soon as the receptionist’s gaze was averted, Eggsy hit him with an amnesia dart. Not waiting for the man to slump over, he and Merlin disappeared through the door behind the desk and started moving downstairs, ignoring the elevator.

Neither of them wished to potentially be stuck in an elevator for however long MI6 wanted them locked up.

Navigating down into the MI6 bunkers was rather easier than expected, though they managed to blend in rather well with their tailored suits, their serious-spy persona firmly in place. The tip to walk like you mean it definitely seemed to apply here, as it was working rather well so far.

“Shooting range first? We should find the agent there.”

Merlin just nodded, letting Eggsy run the show for now. He had to admit, even if only to himself, that he was rather looking forward to seeing how Eggsy would handle a situation like this. The lad had to remember he wasn’t in the base of an enemy, that none of the people in here should be killed. Even so, he should still be able to finish him—self-appointed this time—mission within these parameters.

Due to what happened to Lee Unwin, Kingsman no longer held true field tests for non-agents, but in his opinion it was still one of the better ways to truly see what an agent could do.

Not that Eggsy needed to convince him he was capable, really.

The lad was a hurricane on missions, and could be counted on to get the job done.

The shooting range that was in one of the lowest levels of the headquarters, or so it seemed, was empty except for a couple of agents and the double-o they were looking for. Bond had been kind enough to show them a picture of 006 before they left.

“006, we are here to brief you. Everyone else, clear the room!”

The agents grumbled at Merlin’s words, but the deep scowl and glare prompted them to get the hell out of dodge quickly. 006 stopped his shooting but didn’t put away his gun, staring at the both of them with a wary look in his eyes.

Excellent, not all of MI6 were morons then.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Hn, Lynn,” Merlin shot Eggsy a sharp look at the new name, “could ya…” Instead of finishing the sentence, Eggsy nodded at one of the cameras.

With a short nod—he would have to talk to the lad about that name—Merlin bent down slightly and tapped a specific spot on his right prosthetic leg in a short pattern, one that would short out all electronics in the room for a short while.

“006, your presence has been requested by 007.” Digging a piece of paper out of a pocket, Eggsy held the paper out to 006 who accepted it with trepidation. “These coordinates will lead you to him.”

“Do not take anyone else with you.” Merlin butted in, moving to come to a halt besides Eggsy. “Do not take a tracked car, any and all trackers will be remotely disabled after a certain distance traveled. Do not communicate with anyone back here.”

“And I suppose I should listen to you for my continued good health?” 006 muttered sarcastically, trigger finger twitching on the butt of the gun that was still pointed at the ground.

Pulling up his ever-present clipboard—though Eggsy wasn’t quite sure where exactly he had managed to pull this one from, Merlin’s suit was deliciously well-fitted—Merlin put in a code to access one of the cameras in the med-bay back at Kingsman.

After a quick look around to assure himself that the cameras and microphones hidden in the room were still off, Merlin turned the tablet around.

To 006’s credit, he managed to only flinch a little as he saw his quartermaster hooked up on all kinds of medical machinery, Bond asleep and slumped into the comfortable armchair besides the bed.

“He requested your presence. We’ll allow it, but only yours.”

“I get the feeling that Lynn really hates MI6.” Eggsy mock-whispered to the double-o, only to get smacked upside his head by Merlin’s clipboard.

“And I suppose you are not in fact MI6 then?”

“Well deduced, you might be useful in the field yet.” Merlin dead-panned, stashing his clipboard away again. “Get a move on, the knight and I have a meeting with M.”

Rubbing the back of his head, Eggsy arched an eyebrow at Merlin not mentioning his codename, before mentally shrugging. What the hell, he could work with that. Especially after the name he had just gifted his quartermaster with.

Here’s to hoping Merlin didn’t kill him when they got back to the mansion.

* * *

I'm [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr


	8. Part 8 - Someone help Tanner

This was supposed to be more serious than ... well, this. Whoooops.

* * *

“Bloody hell, this has got ta be the least defended building I’ve ever infiltrated. And this is MI-bloody-6.” Eggsy muttered under his breath, walking besides Merlin through the hallways. No one was giving them second looks, just letting them pass when they presented the key cards they had lifted off of two now unconscious agents.

“I suppose I should feel ashamed fer England if this weren’t so hilarious.”

Merlin snorted softly in agreement, turning left at the end of the corridor, coming close to the checkpoint where shit could potentially hit the fan.

—

Tanner had been having a Bad Day.

First off, he had woken up late, today being the day that his alarm clock had decided to stop working. Then, his coffee machine had spluttered out something resembling black tar instead of his expensive imported coffee. And as soon as he had entered the building, he had been informed that Q was missing and that they would need to look for a new quartermaster.

Not a moment after _that_ news, MI6 had exploded into action as 007 had stormed out of the building and gone offline, injecting something in his own body that disabled the Smart Blood. So now Tanner was dealing with a rogue agent, a mutiny in Q-branch and Moneypenny deciding to take a prompt day off after telling M where he could shove his high horse.

In explicit detail. With drawings.

Gulping down cheap office coffee with a grimace, Tanner saw two men approach from his left, men whose faces he had never seen before.

Both men were packing heat, and they came to a halt in front of his desk. The younger one looked at the bald, scowling man, before grinning widely at him. Tanner could just feel that his day was about to get worse.

“Tanner! Boy oh boy am I ever glad to see ya! Now, my dear man, we’re here ta see the lovely Mallory on some very serious business. Be a gent and open the door, would ya?”

Tanner was fairly sure he didn’t hallucinate the look of exasperation the bald man shot his partner, and he certainly didn’t hallucinate the throbbing between his eyes.

“Who are you?” He finally sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with two fingers, almost nudging his coffee cup off the table as he moved his arm. For Christ’s sake…

“If we say CIA, ya wouldn’t believe us. So…wait, Lynn, who are we?” The younger one frowned suddenly, glancing up at his partner who looked about one uncontrolled twitch away from face-palming.

“Who we are, Mr. Tanner,” The bald man spoke up, his voice naturally holding a deep rumbling tone that could have been soothing if he wasn’t also wearing a most impressive scowl, “is unimportant. It is what we are here for.”

Tanner waited for a long minute for the man to continue, only to feel his headache getting worse as no further explanation was offered. Once these two were gone, Tanner was going to bust out the Jack Daniels and get mind-numbingly drunk.

“And what are you here for?”

“Mallory. We wish to discuss with him the matter of the quartermaster he dumped to the side, the one we pulled out of a hostage situation a couple of hours back. We are rather displeased with yer boss.”

Tanner blinked slowly at the bald man, looking between him and the now serious looking young man. They had found Q? Who the bloody hell were these people, and how had they gotten in MI6?

“Who do you work for? How the bloody hell did you get in here?”

“We wish to speak with yer boss.” The young man spoke up instead of answering. “If ya would be kind enough ta open the door before I blow it up, it would be much ‘preciated.”

Glancing at the door to M’s office, Tanner groaned and put a plate on top of the desk.

“Handguns please.” He muttered tiredly, surprised when the two did actually place their handguns on the plate. “Huh. Well, try not to kill my boss. If you need me, I’m going to get drunk somewhere. This fucking day…”

Hitting a button that caused the door’s locking mechanism to disengage, Tanner didn’t even wait for the two to leave before calling R on his cell-phone.

“Hello R, do you mind if I take you up on the offer of crashing in your office?…What do you mean 006 just stole one of the cars? For fucks sake, can’t this day just end already?”

Apparently, his day could get worse.

* * *

Poor Tanner, someone give him a hug.  
I'm [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) on Tumblr


	9. Part 9

Still pretty much written for and because of [Speaking-of-Tailors](speaking-of-tailors.tumblr.com)!

* * *

“I’m busy.” M snapped almost as soon as the door to his office started to open, phone pressed to his ear while his two computers kept pinging as messages kept on coming in.

Clearly, Merlin thought with dark amusement, Q-branch was in the middle of their mutiny and refusing to lower their boss’ workload. Poor bastard was getting a full taste of how important the Q-branch was to keeping this agency up and running.

Thankfully Kingsman didn’t have that problem, though that might be because every agent respected him enough to listen when he spoke up. Either that, or they learned to respect him through the excellent method of putting the fear of an angry Scotsman into them.

Eggsy made sure to slam the door when he closed it behind them, causing M to look up irritated, frowning at them. The frown only deepened when he didn’t recognize them, before snapping something into the phone’s receiver, closing the call immediately after.

“Get out and make an appointment with Tanner.”

They didn’t get enough time to answer before M was on the phone again, causing Eggsy and Merlin to exchange bemused looks.

“Gimme a sec, Lynn.”

As he nodded at Eggsy, Merlin made a mental note to strangle Harry if he had suggested that particular name to Eggsy. Perhaps with the man’s favorite tie? That should get the message across nicely.

“Oi, minions!” Eggsy suddenly spoke up, looking straight at one of the camera, taking a silver bracelet out of his pocket and holding it up in the air. “Care ta lend a hand and shut this crap down? Yer boss is safe and hidden, his favorite double-o at his side. Codeword Tailor.”

Now that had gotten M’s attention as he was now staring openly at Eggsy, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and slight apprehension at Eggsy’s less than pleasant tone.

Merlin was this close to smacking Eggsy with his clipboard again for forgetting to bloody mention that he somehow had contacts in Q-branch.

The camera Eggsy was looking at moved a little as if in acknowledgment, before both of M’s computers suddenly shut down, phone call disconnecting as the phone was abruptly shut down as well. The lights flickered for a second as they were almost taken out, but the light steadied and remained on.

Suddenly, M was free to talk to them.

“I’ll be wanting a report with specifics on my desk by tomorrow, knight.” Merlin deadpanned, causing Eggsy to rub the back of his neck with a rueful grin.

“Who the bloody hell are you? Consider yourself fired.”

“As…amusing as that would be, we don’t work for you, Mallory.”

One of M’s hands twitched lightly, probably pressing a panic button underneath the desk. Eggsy chuckled, clasping his hands behind his back and leaning forward on the balls of his feet with a grin splitting his face.

“Don’t bother bruv, that’s disabled for now as well. Ta camera’s be the only things still working, but well,” Eggsy’s grin widened to a shark’s smile, amusement gone, “ya pissed off the most important branch in yer agency. Shoulda thought twice about writing off the one who runs this shit show, bruv.”

“I will not repeat myself.” M spoke up, slowly, trying to buy time for the back-up he thought would arrive at any moment. “Tanner!”

M’s raised voice would have notified Tanner that he needed him, had the circumstances been normal. As it was, Tanner was getting drunk in R’s office, watching the monitors keeping a watch on M’s office from Q-branch.

“Mr. Tanner is dealing with your mess in a logical manner, Mallory.” Logical being chugging down expensive alcohol like it was going out of style, of course. “We just want to talk for a moment concerning a decision of yours.”

“Who are you!”

With a sigh, Merlin nodded at Eggsy to pull something out of his arse in answer. He was proving to be rather good at making up nicknames today.

Dropping into a mocking curtsy, Eggsy let a playful grin cover his face as he glanced up through his eyelashes at M.

“The King’s Killer, at yer service. And the Court’s Magician, probably not at yer service.”

Well, Eggsy wasn’t lying.

“Let me make it easy for you, lad.” Merlin took over again, blatantly ignoring that he was younger than MI6’s director. “I am the quartermaster of an organization that answers to no one. We lead ourselves. We choose our assignments. We are the organization that took care of Valentine before you lot even realized he was a threat. We are the organization that pulled your 006 out of Russia when you presumed him dead. We are the organization that currently has _your_ quartermaster in a medically induced coma in our med-bay, with a tired 007 at his side.”

Giving a paling M a moment to take a better look at them, especially at Eggsy’s suit that was practically a signature by itself for the Kingsman agents, Merlin pulled his clipboard from thin air again. Pulling up the feed to the med-bay, where 007 was now fussing with the comatose Q’s blankets, Merlin turned the screen towards M.

The stunned head of MI6 was given a moment to look at the screen, before Merlin turned the tablet towards one of the cameras to assure Q-branch of their leader’s survival.

“Now,” Eggsy spoke up, planting his hands on Mallory’s desk and leaning forward, lips twisting in a silent snarl, “this is gonna be real simple. I’ll even use small words so I can be sure ya understand, yea? Q has just become yer top priority. He goes missing again, ya pull out every goddamn plan and get him back ASAP. I hear ya leave my cousin out there ta die again, and next time ya see me I will be carrying me gun with me, got it?”

Stepping back abruptly, Eggsy retook his place besides a stoic Merlin.

“My cousin likes working here, and he will return as yer quartermaster. I can’t stop him. I wouldn’t stop him. But if yer smart, ya’ll have learned yer lesson. Next time Q goes missing, I’ll consider ya compromised and ask the Magician nicely to take ya prisoner. Next time Q goes missing, Q-branch might decide to do more than mutiny and refuse ta work. Next time, ya will not get Q back and ya will lose yer best double-o.”

“Two of your best double-o’s actually.” Merlin spoke up calmly, looking up from his clipboard where a couple of messages had just popped up. “006 has arrived and has expressed his extreme displeasure at seeing his quartermaster in the condition he is currently in.”

Displeasure was an understatement. According to Nimue, 006 had marched out of the hospital room half a minute after entering, cursing up a storm in Russian as Roxanne led him to the shooting range where he had started decimating every target in sight.

“Come lad, we need to pop by Q-branch before returning. Mallory, please take care to remember my lad’s promises. If there is one thing he doesn’t like, it’s going back on his promises. Get yer priorities straightened out, Mallory, before ye suddenly find yerself with no agency to lead.”

* * *

I'm [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) on Tumblr

 


	10. Part 10

Q-branch was in a spectacular amount of barely controlled chaos by the time Merlin and Eggsy got there.

Minions were running around, putting up hastily created banners that told of their quartermaster's survival, some that said welcome home and others that said 'Mallory? Smellory!'

For a moment, they just stood in the door opening, looking around in amusement, before they were approached by R.

"Cookie? They're freshly baked and Anderson hasn't been allowed near them."

The stately woman held out a plate of the most grandma's Sunday chocolate cookies Merlin had seen in a long while, grabbing one off the plate with a muttered thanks.

Eggsy grabbed two, of course, getting a raised eyebrow from Merlin for his trouble.

"Two hands, two cookies." Was all Merlin got before one of the cookies disappeared between Eggsy's lips enthusiastically and with a nearly indecent moan.

Turning his eyes away from Eggsy and the increasingly erotic noises that slipped from his lips with every bite, Merlin took a nibble himself.

Truly delicious, but unlike Eggsy, Merlin felt no need to sound like a porn star because of them.

"Could ye point us to Q's laptop, please? 007 has asked to bring it back with us."

"Hm," Eggsy started, popping the finger he'd been licking like a lollipop out of his mouth, "Bond knows Q real well, it sounds like. Me cuz will want ta ruin whoever kidnapped him, and he'd need his laptop and tea for that. And an Internet connection. Oh, R, who is lookin' after his cats?"

As Eggsy spoke, he sneaked another cookie off of the plate, grinning when R tutted and tried to slap him on the wrist.

"Maybe we should have made a couple of Anderson Specials, just for you, brat. And I'm looking after his cats." R said, though her smile took any bite out of the words.

Another minion walked up to them with a laptop practically covered in stickers in his hands, which he passed over to Eggsy before disappearing towards the eggnog.

"Ya wouldn't! Ya love me too much ta do that!" Turning to Merlin after, he explained: "The last time Anderson baked something, he laced it with laxatives. Not even on purpose, he just mistook the laxative on the chem table for the syrup."

"That taught us to never prepare anything edible on the chem table ever again." R muttered in agreement.

"Though it was hilarious to see Q race for the nearest restroom." Poor minion number 19 spoke up.

"I recorded that and it has been sent to the boss." Came the dry reply from minion number 2, causing number 19 to pale dramatically and rush to type up an apologetic email to the boss.

"How do ye lot ever get anything done like this?" Merlin muttered. He was fairly certain his department wasn't this bad even if it was a slow day.

Well, okay, the techies that created new gadgets might be, but then again they all seemed to fit the description of mad scientist rather well.

"Q is the lion tamer. One of his glares can silence this bunch in a second. I'm his second in command, the minions listen to me rather well. I just can't be bothered at the moment. Tanner also has their respect, but he's drunker than a skunk right now. I think he's currently playing a game of pin the donkey tail on a picture of M's face with the interns."

Just as Merlin opened his mouth to comment, his clipboard pinged with an update. Opening up the small screen and taking a moment to read the message, Merlin suddenly found the dire need to hit himself with his beloved clipboard. Repeatedly.

“006 has met Bors,” Eggsy flinched, “and they seem to have taken over one of the labs. Three fires have been put out already.”

Whoever thought that it would be a good idea to introduce one pyromaniac to the other, was about to be fired.

“Ah, that’s right. Miss R, if ye sent someone to this warehouse,” Merlin showed her an address, “ye can pick up the vehicle your 006 stole. The car should be in working order, except for the disabled trackers. Now, I’m afraid we must be going.”

“Was nice ta see y’all again!”

* * *

His head was pounding something fierce, feeling like a small army of dwarves were doing their best to drill through his skull and out through his eyes. The back of his throat felt like sandpaper, and swallowing did nothing to help get rid of that sensation.

A soft, pained groan slipped past his lips, before startling slightly as a straw was pushed against his lips.

“Sip slowly, Q.” A rough voice spoke up as Q carefully wrapped his lips around the straw, sucking in some of the cool, refreshing liquid and letting it soothe his painful throat.

After a couple of sips, he released the straw again and slowly opened his eyes. Thankfully, someone had turned down the normally bright light in the room, and Q’s eyes actually had to adjust slightly to the dark.

Tilting his head to the side a little, Q took in the fact that 007 was sitting by his bedside, looking worse for wear and like something had blown up in his face. The agent, who was normally impeccable whenever Q saw him, was wearing a slightly tattered suit that was covered in blood splatters, a small cut adorning his cheek. His eyes looked tired but also alert as they focused on Q, relief easing the frown off the agents face.

“Y’ found me.”

Q’s voice was scratchy and rough beyond belief, barely able to get those few words past his lips before his throat seized in pain again.

One of Bond’s large hands squeezed his hand, feeling frail as the calloused digits rubbed comforting circles on his palm.

“We found you. You’re safe now Q, sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”

For a moment, Q wanted to protest. He didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to stay awake, be reassured by the presence of his favorite agent, to simply be aware of his safety.

But Q could already feel his eyes drooping, and in moments, he was fast asleep, keeping a light grip on Bond’s hand even as dreams took him.

* * *

I'm [Merwin-Me](merwin-me.tumblr.com) on Tumblr

 


	11. Part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I am ever going to continue this story, because all my ideas for it have been wrung dry. I'm a regular fandom skipper, so right now all my ideas are in the Teen Wolf and Agents of Shield corner. But this chapter is the last I was able to write and that fits. BUT! If I get prompts and shit, I might write short chapters/drabbles in this universe. Hit me up here or on my tumblr, merwin_me. Just...don't expect any more chapters than this unless inspirations kicks me in the-you get the idea.

“Ya wanted to see me, Lynn?”

 

Merlin blinked at the continued use of the new nickname Eggsy had found for him, before nodding and motioning to the chair he had dragged in from a nearby office. The knight fairly skipped over to his side and plopped down on the chair, curiously looking at Merlin’s screen set-up.

 

“Aye lad. There was something I’m curious about. In MI6, ye seemed to be at the very least acquaintances with some of the people down at their Q-branch. That, lad, is something I’d have liked to know about before. I don’t appreciate surprises in the middle of a mission.”

 

Flushing slightly, Eggsy sagged down in his seat as he always did when Merlin addressed him using his, probably patented, disappointed tone. Diverting his gaze from the computers that were constantly running through countless of programs on Merlin’s many screens, Eggsy stared at his fidgeting hands, trying but ultimately failing from stopping his hand moving to his mouth, and he ended up nibbling at his already jagged thumbnail nervously.

 

Merlin clearly recognized the gesture, and his eyes softened a little, letting a sigh puff out of him.

 

“Nae, I ain’t angry with ye, lad. Every knight has contacts everywhere, and we don’t know all contacts each knight has. However, if one of those contacts is useful to a current mission, I’d like to know beforehand, aye?”

 

“Yea, I get that.” Eggsy muttered, sitting up from his slouch and smoothing down the wrinkles in his suit.

 

“Well, me cuz was very proud when he got his position, yea? And he weren’t disallowed from talking with me about it. Discouraged, sure, but not disallowed. He made me promise not ta tell anyone, for both our safety. But one day I needed ta get away from Dean, he’d been beating on me mum again and I’d tossed his drugs, so I needed a place ta hide.”

 

As always, Merlin carefully hid his wince at the reminder of Eggsy’s less than stellar upbringing, at how Kingsman had failed to notice the situation Lee’s wife and kid had gotten into. Even though Eggsy had long since made it clear that he didn’t blame them for anything, there was still a part of both Merlin and Harry that felt guilty whenever something from Eggsy’s darker past was brought up.

 

“Course, that day me cuz was working from a warehouse for a bit. MI6 had just been blown up,” Merlin remembered the day, every British citizen did, “and apparently Q-branch at the new building wasn’t up and working yet. He brought me there, because there were some computers and games I could distract myself with, and a cot in the corner ta sleep. I met most of Q-branch there, and apparently the techies never knew Quinn had a cousin. They thought he were a robot. But yea, ever since then, we’ve had a code-word ta use for identification and emergencies. At first, it were Chav, cause I’m a bloody chav, ain’t I? But then I got this job, and I wasn’t allowed to tell Quinn about me being a spy, so I used the cover story of working at Kingsman’s tailor shop. That’s when the code-word changed to Tailor. Never thought I’d ever need ta use it, though.”

 

At the end of his explanation, Eggsy shrugged a little and sank back into his slouch. As soon as the last word left his mouth, he was back to nibbling on the nail of his thumb.

 

Merlin let the information sink in for a moment, but in all honesty he was rather happy with the fact that MI6’s Q-branch had set up the code-word system with a young man not part of their organization, just doing it because they liked him and he was family of their boss; Q.

 

“Thanks fer telling me, lad. I had another question.” Eggsy looked a little surprised that Merlin let the topic drop so easily, but there was honestly nothing else the quartermaster needed to know about that matter. “How did ye come to use Lynn as a nickname?”

 

The odd question got Merlin a bemused look for his trouble, before Eggsy shrugged a little.

 

“Well, ya didn’t like Merl or Merls. I mean, I got the feeling that if I called ya either of those again, I’d be dumped somewhere in Siberia for a couple o’ months.”

 

The lad wasn’t wrong, really.

 

“So I thought ‘bout just using yer full nickname, but everyone uses that.”

 

Of _course_ everyone did, because it was his bloody codename. Well, more like his name now, as Merlin no longer existed in any database.

 

“Then I thought ‘bout using Linnie,” Merlin immediately tensed in indignation before Eggsy continued, “but I also really like having me balls attached to me body, get me? So I got rid of the last bit, and tried Lynn, and well,” another shrug from Eggsy, this one coupled with a bright grin at Merlin, “I liked how it sounds. So yea, I think I’ll be calling ya Lynn from now on, yea?”

 

Merlin looked at Eggsy in silence for a long moment, judging his honesty in this matter, judging whether he truly did get the name using this logic or whether Harry had become an utter moron. But no, it sounded just like the kind of logic Eggsy would use to get a nickname for anyone.

 

And that is zero logic, most of the time.

 

“I’m fine with Merlin as my codename, it’s not that long of a name to remember.” Merlin deadpanned, pointing that fact out just because he could, before his stoic expression cracked as a smile spread across his face. “But I am quite alright with Lynn as a nickname.”

 

Pausing for a moment, just to think over what he was about to tell Eggsy, Merlin decided to just go for it in the end. The lad knew how to keep a secret after all, what with his excellent grasp of ‘snitches get stitches and end up in ditches’.

 

“Do keep this between us, lad, but before I became Merlin, my name was Lynn.” Eggsy’s eyes widened as the young man sat up straight, turning to look at Merlin in surprise. “I no longer exist in the system, Lynn no longer exists. Harry knows my name as I once trained with him, but no one else does. Except now ye somehow managed to pick the one correct name to use by accident, lad.”

 

“Oh.” Came Eggsy’s intelligent reply as he blinked slowly at Merlin. “Oh! I won’t tell nobody, I promise! I can use it though, yea? I’ll tell no one that it be yer real name—it’s an ace name though, bruv—but I can use it?”

 

“Aye, ye can use it lad. So use it, and don’t call me ‘bruv’ again.” Merlin muttered with an exasperated tone.

 

Honestly, he’d let the lad call him anything, even Merls, if he would just stop calling him bruv.

 

“Sir yes sir!”

 

Cheeky brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote...


End file.
